I'm proud of my pop

(from May 9, 2008)

Today, he is 25 years sober.

We didn't have the best relationship:
ignored me and siblings.
divorced when I was 10.
redeployed himself to Diego Garcia for few years to stop drinking.

In fact, there was no relationship. The courts said we had to stay with him once a month. When we'd return to mom, she'd have to 'rebuild' us because of the things he would say about her. (Interestingly enough - I have ZERO memory of whatever he said).

I shut him off for years. Didn't need him. I knew WHY he was the way he was...but when I asked him for help with one thing (just to go with me car shopping, not borrow money - it was my first adult purchase - I was 18, and I wanted him there), he said no. Right there, I was done with him.

A few years passed, and I was in Kansas visiting my sister. She knew I was hurting and convinced me to see him on my way home. I lived in Virginia at the time, so Michigan was not on the way. But, I agreed. (Who knew then, that I liked taking the long way home? I did it before it was popular.)

I got to Michigan and had fine visit. I stayed busy with my cousins more then my dad. On the last night, we sat on the beach (lake house)...watch the sun set, stars come out, and fires outline the shore. And, I told him I hated him. Talk about killing the mood, right?

I rattled everything off. We had very civil conversation. He explained things I didn't know...or forgot. I told him allll the reasons I hated him. There were really no questions from either of us. We knew why....

I left early the next morning for a 16 hours drive to Murphys Grande Irish Pub in Alexandria, VA....my pub. I was done in MI...and needed to be with my peeps.

A few days later, I fired off a letter to him, further expressing my angry. He replied a few days after that. We eventually talked. Which in turn, lead to me forgiving him. From there, we've been building our father/daughter relationship.

We now see each other a few times a year and talk weekly or so....and it's a very easy conversation...not forced, you know? It's comfortable.

I stumbled across those letters a few weeks ago....and re-read his reply to my 'i hate you' letter, along with letters he sent when he was on Diego Garcia. It's interesting reading them, through the eyes of a 37 years old now...vs. the eyes of a 15/16/17/18 year old then.

Why am I sharing this? Not really sure....I called him a few hours ago and congratulated him on his sobriety. He sounded very happy, as he should. He didn't have the easiest childhood or adulthood.

His golden years are certainly looking better for him.